He Believes in What?!

12/27/2007 – DEAR MARGO: My boyfriend, "Matt," and I have been together a little more than four years. We have a very strong relationship and have discussed marriage and children, but we both agree we should wait. Well, a couple of weeks ago, out of the blue, Matt says, "I don't know why people stuff their Christmas stockings before Christmas. That's what Santa should do." My response was, "Well, maybe some people don't believe in Santa." He didn't say anything, but I could tell he was really bothered by this.

He has always been really into Christmas (me, not so much), but this hasn't been a problem for us in the past. My concern now is that I don't want our children to have a false belief in Santa. Is this something that should be a big concern, or should I leave it alone until we actually have children?

--- CONCERNED GRINCH

DEAR CON: You can't be telling me a grown man believes in Santa. (Can you?) It is one thing to play along with little kids that there's a Santa Claus, but quite another to be beyond the age of puberty and think this is so. Let us hope he is just, as you say, "really into Christmas."

Because you have a strong relationship, I would put off worrying about future children and Christmas until, as you say, you actually have the children. Also, I have it on good authority from some friends in grade school that the Santa story bites the dust at about the same time as the birds and the bees.

--- MARGO, REALISTICALLY

Talk About Superficial

DEAR MARGO: I am 21 and have been dating a really great guy for almost two years now. I know in my heart he is "the one." My problem is my parents. From the day that he picked me up for our first date, they have disapproved because, they say, he is not cute enough for me and is too shy.

For a while, they kept threatening me and tried to force me to break up with him. After a year of putting up with my parents' daily verbal abuse and crying myself to sleep, I finally moved out of their house. They tell me that I don't care about my family at all because I am still seeing this guy. My dad will hardly acknowledge that I am in the same room, and they both tell me I am going to "lose my family" over this guy. They say I have to choose between him and them.

My boyfriend and I wish to get married one day, and I have expressed this to my parents. They say they will have no part in it and would not even wish to see any children I might have. My relationship with him has made my family relationship a wreck, but I love my boyfriend very deeply. Should I lose the one I love for my family?

--- CORNERED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CORN: If your family has legitimate objections to this young man, then perhaps you should listen to them, but finding him shy and not cute enough is ludicrous. I think they are foolish to have given you an ultimatum, but since they did, I would call their bluff. If your family will not support you, (then) you need a new family.

It's hard to know whether any man would pass muster with them, but I suggest you make their prediction about losing your family a reality. Life is choices, my dear, and your misguided parents have put you in the position of having to make one.

--- MARGO, SELECTIVELY

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to click here.

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